


Something to Remember

by Eggsyobsessed



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alzheimer's Disease, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt, Gen, Heavy Angst, I'm Going to Hell, Memory Care, Memory Loss, No Plot/Plotless, Old Age, Reminiscing, this is going to hurt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-08
Updated: 2018-07-08
Packaged: 2019-06-07 00:04:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15206438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eggsyobsessed/pseuds/Eggsyobsessed
Summary: Eggsy gathered given his job the opportunity to grow old would be a gift. But what good was it when each day you felt the memories of your loved ones slip away.





	Something to Remember

**Author's Note:**

> *Please heed the tags!!* 
> 
> I woke up with this in my head. For those of you who choose to read I hope you enjoy.  
> Much Love <3 xoxo

It’s amazing when you’re young no one warns you that the decisions made then impact your life in later years.

Eggsy can remember a time when a small old lady had told him, “Try not to get old.” He just laughed it off and didn’t heed the woman’s warnings.

Now as he lay in his bed bones and joints aching from what only arthritis could cause did he wish he had listened.

Years of misuse to his body, the shoulder that never healed properly or the number of times he’s landed wrong from jumping off of a building.

Listening to the soft hum of the air conditioner a low rattle that it always made like a piece of metal blowing around. He rolled to his left and blindly reached for his glasses. Hands clanking against his clock did he find them.

Placing them on his face with a soft creak in the bed gazing at the time: 6:37 am. With a sigh, he laid back on the pillow. Knowing sleep wouldn’t return, but even still Eggsy closed his eyes trying to remember better days.

It was hard. Most of the time he couldn’t remember the face of his own son or the pictures of his husband who had passed years ago. Days like today when he was just lucid enough to know how much he had forgotten and how he knew at any point in the day he’d forget again pained him.

While still having his memories Eggsy sat up and groaned against the crick in his back. Gazing at the curtains where the sun was just coming through casting along the floor he could see the flecks of dust moving through the air.

Bringing shaky hands up running them over his face to remove the sleep and crust from his eyes. He sat on the edge of the bed for a moment letting his eyes fall on the various items that were of sentimental importance.

The afghan over the rocker that Merlin had made, a table that held various photos from over the years. On the wall a portrait of himself and Merlin. There was a collage of pictures next to it.

A feeling of loss settled over him as he tried to recall the faces of the smiling children in the frame. Placing his feet into his slippers he stood up feeling the crack of his knees and ache in the ankle that never set right.

With his left hand reaching for the cane that sat beside his bed. The familiar thump of it hitting the carpet rounding the corner to flick on the light of the bathroom. Squinting against the sudden brightness Eggsy sat on the loo to do his business.

He was glad to have been able to still control his bowels and bladder. So many other things outside of his control like the way his hands shook with a tremor he had developed from a nasty blow to the head during a mission.

Making sure to wash his hands he went about his morning routine. It was simple and precise. When he was first diagnosed with Alzheimer’s the doctor at Kingsman told him routine was good. So before it got bad Eggsy made sure to keep vital things the same. Like making sure to wash your hands after using the loo, combing his hair, brushing teeth, bathing. Important things.

They never really prepare you for when you start to forget. It’s in the pamphlets, countless of articles he had combed over once told he had it. But no one really can tell you how you’ll feel. Nights feeling lost when you’re not even sure of your name anymore or being shocked when you see you’ve aged over 30 years because you’re sure that you still are in your 40’s.

Wiping off his face feeling the scratchy material against his wrinkled skin does he look. Dare to see the man he was and see the man that looks lost. He is older, of course at 75 you won’t look like you did when you were 20. Eggsy can see it there, flickers of his youth the cocky smile that peeks at him.

Hearing a soft knock and the door to his room open does he turn and smile at the young woman that comes in. Suzie. He remembers her name today and maybe it’s because she’s been assigned to him for what feels like forever.

“Morning,” She smiles her blonde hair in a ponytail and today she has on pink scrubs.

“Morning, dear,” Eggsy gives her a small smile and his voice is different. A little breathy and quieter.

Walking all the way in he hears her opening the closet and he’s sure she is pawing through his clothing options.

“Are you going to the dining hall today?” Suzie called out as he shuffled through the room.

Scrunching his face as he thought about Eggsy sat on his bed, “I should.” He remembered being told socializing was good.

“Good,” She turned with two options before her. “Which do you want to wear today, Mr. Unwin?”

“Please, Eggsy. I know I forget a lot, but I rather think you’ve been around quite a bit,” He smiled as she nodded her head. Eggsy observed the two options she had come up with.

A blue cardigan with a white button-down undershirt and tan trousers or a dark green knitted jumper with black trousers. The jumper looked worn and had brown leather patches over the shoulders. Something about it made his heart ache, “Green jumper.” He decided because it looked like home.

“Good choice,” Suzie said and placed the other outfit away.

Eggsy never thought he’d rely on another to help dress, but given his job, it had left him with more arthritis and the inability to move smoothly.

While she pulled the soft wool over his head he had a thought, “Don’t get old dear. Something I was told about your age. Take care of your body, it will thank you later.”

“I will Eggsy,” Suzie promised.

He smiled at the young girl thinking she could be young enough to be his granddaughter. Grandchildren. Did he have them? The question was disbursing as he glanced at the collage of photos.

“Everything okay?” She asked looking at his puzzled expression. Following his stare, she smoothed out the front of the jumper and walked to the photos.

Reaching for the offered frame with his gnarled and shaky hands of a newborn infant in the arms of a handsome young man. When he couldn’t recall the photo Suzie offered the information she knew.

“Your son, Lee brought it in two days ago. Your grandson, James and his daughter.”

“Oh,” Was all he said.

“I know he plans to come by today. Your son,” she explained.

Wondering how many grandchildren he had. Eggsy handed the photo back and felt the sadness settle in over his heart.

Suzie weaved her arm through his and guided Eggsy out of the room for breakfast.

*

Rocking softly with the old afghan on his lap he listened to the soft creak of the chair against the carpet. The telly off, but the radio on crooning Frank Sinatra. He couldn’t remember the song, but a happy feeling spread over him. There were a set of crocheting needles on a table next to him and he thought maybe he knew how to do the craft.

Picking them up with a baby pink yarn he started a pattern. The softness of the material felt good against his fingers as his hands began to create what looked to be baby booties. Eggsy was absorbed in his activity when a man walked in. He looked up startled hearing the bed give way under the weight of a person sitting on it.

“Sorry Dad,” He said looking over his father.

Resting the project in his lap a slow smile spread across his face. Eggsy looked at the younger man who reminded him so much of himself 20 years ago. He could just remember his name, “Lee.”

“Hi Dad,” Lee breathed in relief. Today was a good day then. He thought. Standing he kissed his father’s cheek and looked down at the booties his dad was working on.

“Decided to start that again?”

Nodding his head Eggsy picked it back up and regarded his son, “How are you?”

“I’m fine. I have a new picture of Olivia,” Eggsy could hear the love in his son’s voice.

Crouching beside his father he dug in the bag he had been carrying and took out the white frame that held another picture of the same baby Eggsy had seen earlier.

“Oh, she’s beautiful.” He said adjusting his glasses and holding the frame as steady as his hands would allow.

“James wants to bring her. Been home now for a week. Said I’d come up first and see how you were today,” Lee said.

“Better day I think. Though I’m sorry, I can’t remember how many grandchildren I have,” He said sadly and felt the sting of tears in his eyes. “Bloody mind.”

“Hey,” Lee took his father’s hands in his and closed them in his grasp. He brought them up and gave them a light peck before rubbing the soft skin, “Dad it’s okay.”

“It’s not, Lee.”

“Let’s just stay in a happy place? The doctor said it’s better to focus on what you can remember. Last time we went down this road you were a mess by the night and they had to give you that shot you hate.”

Eggsy did remember. If that’s one thing he remembers it’s the sharp pain that he felt in his thigh from a needle after losing control. Shame washed over him as the memory of anger and betrayal flooded his brain. A night where he lost his temper and went to strike an attendant.

Something he had put in place when he decided to place himself in the assisted living for memory care. Eggsy made sure there were specific orders to detain him with medication if he got out of hand.

His son was heartbroken that Eggsy wouldn’t come live with him, but he wouldn’t be a burden to his boy. It didn’t matter though because of the three times these measures were needed when Eggsy would come to Lee would be right there for his father. No matter if Eggsy remembered him or not.

“I know,” Eggsy said quietly. “I love babies,” He blurted out loud and remembered the feel of a soft little human in his arms.

“You do. Great dad and grandpa, you are,” Lee squeezed his father’s hands and let them go.

“Olivia is her name?” Lee nodded his head and sat on the bed, “My first great-grandchild?”

“Yes.”

“Wish your Da could have met her,” He mused unthinkingly and touched the jumper on his skin. It made sense now why it was a little too big for him, “This is his.” It wasn’t a question.

Lifting his head to meet his son's sad eyes, “I miss him. Didn’t realize that’s why I picked this earlier this morning.” Bringing his hands up Eggsy covered his eyes allowing a sob to break through. He felt Lee hugging him and sagged against the warmth of his son.

“Where’s my ring?” Eggsy asked after a moment. Watching Lee pull a chain from under his shirt he saw a set of two silver bands hanging.

“One day when you couldn’t remember,” Lee paused collecting his thoughts, “You tossed them. Confused why you had a ring on your finger and one around your neck. I’ve had them ever since,” His voice just a whisper.

“I’d like to wear mine today. I want to be close to him,” He realized. Slipping it in its proper place Eggsy noticed how it fit loosely against his finger. He was smaller and frailer now. So much different from when he first married.

“Want to meet the baby?” Lee asked after he wiped his eyes of his own tears.

“I’d like that. Think I can finish these before they come?” He wondered aloud and nodded to himself picking up where he left off.

*

His son had gone out and brought back fish and chips for lunch. Eggsy had just finished the booties when his son walked in.

“Those will look lovely on her,” Lee mused unpacking their food on the small table his dad had.

“They should.” He said grabbing his cane and stood. Stretching out a bit as he had been sitting for a while hearing the crack of his back and knees. Eggsy shuffled over slowly and sat in the chair his son had pulled out.

They tucked in. Lee finished first but was patient as his father ate a little slower. “James said he’d come by around 4. Told him that’d be best as you usually nap after lunch.”

Oh. Eggsy thought. That’s why he felt exhausted, “Will you leave then?” He tried not to make it sound like he was disappointed at the thought.

“No. I’ll stay,” Lee reassured him. He knew that when his father was having a good day he’d want him to stay around more. Lee didn’t care. He’d take in every minute that his dad remembered him. He watched his father stand stiffly and hobble to the loo.

Cleaning the mess of lunch Lee heard the toilet flush and water run. Hearing the air begin to blow from the vent by the window he wondered why the AC was on when his dad chilled easily, “Want me to adjust the temperature for you? The air conditioner is running.”

“Is it not summer?” Eggsy asked confused looking at the calendar. Nope, July 8th. He sat on the now turned down bed and bent to take his house shoes off. His son was helping him before Eggsy could reach his shins.

“You chill easily dad,” Lee reminded him.

“Right,” He frowned. “You didn’t have to do that,” Eggsy said in protest removing his glasses and bringing his legs into the bed.

“I wanted to,” His son said and covered him with the duvet. “I’ll be here when you wake,” Lee promised and gave him a light kiss on his forehead.

It was funny to Eggsy how roles were changed. Things he did for his boy when he was little were now done for him in his old age. He was lucky. Eggsy figured he could have had a child who willingly tossed him into a home, but Lee hadn’t.

He listened to the sound of the rocker and the sound of his own breathing. It wasn’t hard to find sleep like this. Closing his eyes Eggsy hoped to dream of his Merlin.

*

Opening his eyes Eggsy saw his son still seated in the chair with an album in his lap. Grabbing his glasses as he sat up.

“Rest well?” Lee asked not looking from the page he was on. A smile playing on his lips.

“Mm,” He hummed and pulled his footwear on. Taking his cane he leaned heavily on it to stand. His gait wavered some and felt secure arms around his waist, “I’m fine.”

Nodding his head Lee tentatively let go knowing his dad didn’t like to be babied. Going back over Lee sat in the chair next to his father’s. He watched with weary eyes as his father moved a little slower than earlier. Waiting with the photo album and afghan for his Dad to finish.

“What were you looking at?” Eggsy asked and sighed when he sat heavily in the rocker.

“Photos,” Lee draped the blanket over him and handed him the book with the page he was on.

He gasped softly, “Oh my days, look how tiny you were.”

“I was what? 3?” Lee asked.

“No,” Eggsy shook his head smiling at the memory the photo brought on. “You were such a little guy. Here you were 5. I remember we took you to the zoo. We asked someone to take this while we stood in front of the Tigers. You loved them.” He gazed at their small family. Just him, Merlin and Lee.

“I remember,” Lee said feeling glad he had pulled it out as he saw his dad's smile grow with each turn of a page.

“Ah, your prom. Oh my hair was just going grey then. Probably because you were such a shite teenager. Always trying to sneak out, tsk.”

“Oh come on! I wasn’t that bad,” They shared a laugh when someone knocked on the door and James walked in.

“There’s my girl,” Lee said walking up to them and took the carrier. Setting it on the bed he peered in and heard his son.

“Hi grandpa,” James was tall with dark brown hair and Eggsy’s sharp jaw. Inherited from his father. Soft green eyes adorned his face.

Receiving a kiss on the cheek from his grandson Eggsy smiled, “How’s fatherhood treating you?” He asked as the young man sat next to him.

“It’s good. She’s a handful, but I love her.”

“It will be the best and hardest thing you’ll ever do,” Eggsy said and remembered the booties he had made, “Here.” Handing them to James.

“These are lovely. They’ll be perfect for the cold weather.”

“They’ll suit,” Eggsy said when his son brought the baby over. “So tiny. I remember when you both were this tiny,” He cooed as Olivia was placed in his arms.

Lee shared a smile with his son. More and more his dad was forgetting so when he remembered it tugged at Lee’s heart.

“We should have someone take a photo. There are 4 generations of Unwin here,” Lee suggested and went to do just that.

Suzie came in and made baby sounds to the little girl, “Oh aren’t you so much prettier than the pictures.”

“This is my great-granddaughter, Olivia.” Pride and joy rang clear in his voice.

“Well hello little one,” Suzie said and stepped back. “Who’s phone am I using?” She laughed when she was handed two.

She made sure to snap 2 pictures with each phone and handed them back, “Eggsy, will you be coming for dinner tonight?”

“No. Helen said she’d be by with your favorite dad, beef stew,” Lee answered.

“Well enjoy,” She said and left.

His grandson stayed for another hour and Eggsy was even able to feed her a bottle. He didn’t want to let her go.

Just as promised his daughter in law was over with dinner and freshly baked bread to go with it. Maybe it was a routine he and his son had had, but he couldn’t remember. Deciding not to focus on the memories lost he chose to hold onto the ones he had.

Lee stayed and helped him ready for bed. Still striking him as strange that his son tucked him in, but Eggsy didn’t argue knowing it would upset his boy.

Taking his son's hand in his, “I love you. I'm not sure if I say it enough, but I’m lucky to have you as a son. Please,” He begged, “Hold onto my words when I can’t remember you and know I’m sorry. Sorry for all the times I won’t know your name.”

“Dad,” Lee choked out. “Don’t be sorry. Please.”

“Lee, I know I’m forgetting more and more. We are lucky for days like today. Just...I love you,” Eggsy said again and kissed his son's hand. He wasn’t sure why he needed to ensure his boy knew this, but Eggsy made sure Lee knew how important he was. “Best son a man could ask for.”

“I love you too,” His voice thick with unshed tears.

Smiling up at his son Eggsy laid his head on his pillow, “I’m tired now. I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Of course, Dad.” Lee bent down and gave his wrinkled cheek a kiss, “See you tomorrow.” He promised.

Except Lee got a call early in the morning that his dad had passed away in his sleep and the next time he saw his father was at the service before he buried him beside his Da.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not even sure how I think of these things? Just, I'm sorry.


End file.
